Want a laugh? - Page 4

Jeanfromfillmore · #31 02-21-2011, 01:45 PM

I found these posted on a board and thought I'd share them with you.

The ant works hard, in the withering heat, all summer long.
He builds his house and stores supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks that the ant is a fool.
He laughs, dances and plays the summer away, preparing nothing for the coming winter.

Winter comes, the ant is safe and warm.
The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and fed, while others are cold and starving!

CBS, NBC, ABC & CNN show up to provide pictures of shivering grasshoppers, next to a video of an ant in his comfortable home, with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast! How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer this way?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah, with the grasshopper.
Everyone cries when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green".

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house, where the news stations film the group singing "We Shall Overcome". Jesse then has the group pray for the grasshopper's sake, and reminds the group to contribute to his group, so that he can "continue the fight" for grasshoppers, everywhere!

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid exclaim, in an interview with Tom Brokaw, that the ant has gotten rich, off
the back of the poor grasshopper! Both call for an immediate tax hike, to make the ant pay "his fair share"!

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity For Grasshoppers Act", retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire the proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to
pay his retroactive taxes, his house is confiscated by the government.

Hillary Clinton gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper, in a defamation suit against the ant.
The case is tried in federal court, with a jury comprised of unemployed welfare recipients.

Surprise! The ant loses the case!

The story ends, as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food, while the government house he lives in (which happens to be the ant's old house) crumbles around him, due to lack of maintenance!

The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is found, dead, in a drug-related incident.

The house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders, who terrorize this once-peaceful neighborhood.

The moral of this story? Don't vote for democrats or liberals.

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn`t eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

Q: What do you call a basement full of Liberals?
A: A whine cellar !

Q: How do you stop a liberal from eating?
A: Hide their food stamps under...their work boots !

Q: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Let George Bush fix it! It’s his fault it’s dark anyway !

Q: What's liberal and has an IQ over 100?
A: California...

Q: What's a four-letter word ending in "K" that offends a liberal?
A: Work !

Democrat [dem-uh-krat] -noun
1. A person who receives support, advantage, or the like, from another or others without giving any useful or proper return, as one who lives on the earnings of others.
—Synonyms
2. sycophant, toady, leech, parasite, sponge, hanger-on.

LAPhil · #32 02-21-2011, 03:28 PM

Jean, those are the best yet! I swear, you and I must be the only ones reading this topic. I remember when you said you thought you had more in common with Democrats than you did with Republicans. All I can say is "You've come a long way, baby!"

Jeanfromfillmore · #33 05-30-2011, 04:37 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6TcpfBHlbs

Ray Stevens - Obama Budget Plan

LAPhil · #34 06-25-2011, 10:39 AM

This is one of the best ones yet:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zE0fo...&feature=feedu

BTW, why can't we have "Want a laugh?" as one of the regular forum topics, or at least a subtopic under "Entertainment"? It's so hidden in the "General" section I forget how to find it each time.

Jeanfromfillmore · #35 06-25-2011, 02:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LAPhil

This is one of the best ones yet:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zE0fo...&feature=feedu

BTW, why can't we have "Want a laugh?" as one of the regular forum topics, or at least a subtopic under "Entertainment"? It's so hidden in the "General" section I forget how to find it each time.

Good suggestion Phil, I'll look into it.